OH HAY!
I'm writing a cover letter right now (or pretending to for the sake of my poor, under-appreciated mother) and it's SO. DIFFICULT. How do people get jobs?! Seriously, mine was offered to me at random by a lady who knew my mom. I've never successfully applied for one. Do you have tips? Nepotism is out this time, sadly. I know, I know, that was my initial plan as well.
Ok, so instead of getting sad and anxious about WHETHER OR NOT I WILL EVER BE EMPLOYED ENOUGH TO SUPPORT MYSELF AUUGGHHHH OMG OMG OMG, I'm going to groove.
JOIN ME IN THE ALL-POWERFUL ACT OF DANCE, INTERNET BRETHREN!
Reminds me of my mom. =D
The Anti-Man List: Jonathan Rhys Myers.
The man is scary looking. Generally I am a praise-giver but this time I can't get my objectification on at all. Yeurgh.
My adverse reaction could be to this particular picture. More likely, though, it's due to the fact that HE LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO ATTACK ME WITH A HOT VAT OF MASSAGE OIL AND METH.
If I ran into this man in a dark alley, I'd run far and fast in the opposite direction, is what I'm saying. And let's not ignore the gross abuse of facial hair seen above. If you can mess up a basic moustache and chin stubble THAT BADLY (hint: they are not to be combined), there is something up with you and I cannot endorse your face. Fact.
Ok, I just read that he had to be hospitalized this summer and has had addiction problems, so now I feel bad.
Best wishes to you, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Get better.
My adverse reaction could be to this particular picture. More likely, though, it's due to the fact that HE LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO ATTACK ME WITH A HOT VAT OF MASSAGE OIL AND METH.
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| Seen here: Not working for me. |
If I ran into this man in a dark alley, I'd run far and fast in the opposite direction, is what I'm saying. And let's not ignore the gross abuse of facial hair seen above. If you can mess up a basic moustache and chin stubble THAT BADLY (hint: they are not to be combined), there is something up with you and I cannot endorse your face. Fact.
Ok, I just read that he had to be hospitalized this summer and has had addiction problems, so now I feel bad.
Best wishes to you, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Get better.
Sorry, was that June?
June is one of my very favourite months, usually. It brings the end of school, honest-to-goodness leaves on the trees, and subtly warm weather that my inhumanly toasty constitution can handle. Which is to say: perfection.
This year has been a strange one in several ways, though. What's this? SEVERAL ways, you say? As in.. more than one?!
Oh, hell naw. You can't mean...
Yes. Yes I do.
IT'S LIST TIME, BITCHES.
WEIRD/HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT 2011 SO FAR.
This year has been a strange one in several ways, though. What's this? SEVERAL ways, you say? As in.. more than one?!
Oh, hell naw. You can't mean...
Yes. Yes I do.
IT'S LIST TIME, BITCHES.
WEIRD/HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT 2011 SO FAR.
- Rain. For the love of all that is season-appropriate, WHY ALL THE RAIN? Funny story, I used to think I liked rain. "It's lovely," I thought! "The freshness, the greenery, the puddles, the rainbows!"
No. Someone, somewhere misled me something awful. This year's rain was nothing but a monochromatic vortex of worm-laden sidewalks and dead worms filling the gutters, punctuated with a bit more worm carcass here and there. Days on end passed with no visible sky at all and I started to feel like I was living inside an unpleasantly soggy wool sock. Rain is a butt, and Vancouver can have it. - COLD! Usually by May I would be boiling in my classrooms and dreaming of iced beverages. (Granted, i'm nearly always boiling, but you see my point.) Along with being annoyingly moist, this year has been cold as the proverbial breast belonging to a female purveyor of magic and potions.
- Monster mosquitoes. You'd think they'd drown, but no such luck. Only the peaceable and useful earthworm suffers that fate. (Rest in peace, my little friends.)
There are, however, nice things about this year's insane climate. We are therefore inclined to present:
KIND OF AWESOME STUFF ABOUT 2011 SO FAR.
- I have not been sickeningly warm even once! That must count for something.
- I've had the opportunity to become quite friendly with my local library staff.
- My old school stuff is stunningly well-organized.
- Sunburn-free since... last October, maybe? At this rate I will be young-looking and melanoma free FOREVAAAARRR!
- Skanks be covered up. It's been a nice year of everyone keeping their ass a mystery to me.
- My baking skills are quickly becoming the stuff of myth. Annalisius, weaver of golden pie-tops and singer of the magical bread-song = me. I coax impossible deliciousness from naught but humble flour. Millions of individual yeast bacteria know me to be their goddess, great and terrible.
Perhaps I should get out more.
Birds!
The birds are back! I heard them! Outside! This is fabulous!
As long as their little birdy instincts are correct, spring is on the way. Of course it's possible that these particular little birds stayed here all winter, or that they are deluded birds destined to freeze to death. I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT IS SPRING, STARTING NOW.
As long as their little birdy instincts are correct, spring is on the way. Of course it's possible that these particular little birds stayed here all winter, or that they are deluded birds destined to freeze to death. I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT IS SPRING, STARTING NOW.
Goals.
I'm going to devote myself to becoming the most useful person in a zombie apocalypse.
First, guns. Lots of guns.
Then, survival in the wilderness of Canada. Edible plants, how to kill and clean an animal for eating, etc.
More guns.
Land surveying. I'd need to know how to build an awesome log cabin, and where to do this. High ground, but near water...
Fire building.
Enough agriculture for survival. I'll need to stockpile seeds and learn to garden.
And perhaps a few more guns.
I need to watch The Walking Dead all the way through. It was on tv as a marathon, but I forgot to tape it.
First, guns. Lots of guns.
Then, survival in the wilderness of Canada. Edible plants, how to kill and clean an animal for eating, etc.
More guns.
Land surveying. I'd need to know how to build an awesome log cabin, and where to do this. High ground, but near water...
Fire building.
Enough agriculture for survival. I'll need to stockpile seeds and learn to garden.
And perhaps a few more guns.
I need to watch The Walking Dead all the way through. It was on tv as a marathon, but I forgot to tape it.
Weather.
Everyone's heard that March comes in like a lion, and goes out like a lamb. I've caught myself saying it during the requisite Canadian discussions of winter, just as some chatter to make sure my jaws haven't frozen shut.
I've even heard it like a prediction. IF March comes in like a lion, then it WILL go out like a lamb. That, however, makes no damn sense. It's not as if the saying can be accurate to every region where people say it. It's all fucking winter around here, isn't it?
Anyway, since March has arrived like one sadistic Arctic lion, I've decided to monitor how it plays out. Maybe the saying applies to Alberta some years.
Now, a monkey.
I've even heard it like a prediction. IF March comes in like a lion, then it WILL go out like a lamb. That, however, makes no damn sense. It's not as if the saying can be accurate to every region where people say it. It's all fucking winter around here, isn't it?
Anyway, since March has arrived like one sadistic Arctic lion, I've decided to monitor how it plays out. Maybe the saying applies to Alberta some years.
Now, a monkey.
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| All I want is the context of this photo. |
The Badass Playlist: Islands In The Stream
This is the most-played song on my ipod. It's on my going-to-sleep playlist, for one thing, and it's my default pick-me-up. It doesn't seem like a really perky song, but when I'm in a funk nothing pulls me out of it like awesome Canadians covering popular country duets. (Admittedly it's a small category of music.)
After this song I feel like I've just had a long soak in a hot bath.
I don't think I've featured any of the Constantines songs on the playlist, but there are a few. Just you wait. More of this manly voice to come.
After this song I feel like I've just had a long soak in a hot bath.
The Badass Playlist (for real this time, it's on there): Young Leaves
Here is the song! Last summer it was one of about 10 songs I would not stop listening to in the car to save my own life. (The others being mostly Mountain and Lynyrd Skynyrd. You might remember that phase. It was long, and I'm still not quite over it.) Attack In Black is a Canadian outfit who are/were on the same label as some other bands I like, leading to my discovery of them on the label website. Or something. It was along time ago, I kind of forget.
Hope you like it.
NOTE: I demand that all readers who encountered a surprising/perplexing commercial that seems to be advocating Mormonism leave a comment about it. Is it actually as funny as I found it? Discuss.
Anyway, before going to find it for the purposes of this post, I'd never seen this video. As I watched it became more and more apparent that I would love to be friends with these people. Reasons for this conclusion:
a) They like crappy old vehicles.
b) At least half of them see the importance of facial hair.
c) The like shopping for old junk/awesome stuff.
d) They find Prince "Hilarious Funtimes" Charles lovable enough to put his picture in their practice space.
e) They also associate this song with driving, road trips, and summer.
Hope you like it.
NOTE: I demand that all readers who encountered a surprising/perplexing commercial that seems to be advocating Mormonism leave a comment about it. Is it actually as funny as I found it? Discuss.
Anyway, before going to find it for the purposes of this post, I'd never seen this video. As I watched it became more and more apparent that I would love to be friends with these people. Reasons for this conclusion:
a) They like crappy old vehicles.
b) At least half of them see the importance of facial hair.
c) The like shopping for old junk/awesome stuff.
d) They find Prince "Hilarious Funtimes" Charles lovable enough to put his picture in their practice space.
e) They also associate this song with driving, road trips, and summer.
 |
| And good times were had by all. |
New recent decision.
Remember when I said I am in love with George Stroumboulopoulos? (So much so that I look up how to spell his name ever single time I type it?)
Well, that's still true. Strombo is very precious to me.
However, my neverending supply of love has also been extended to Jian Ghomeshi, host of Qtv, writer, musician, etc.
He's so lovely and thoughtful and warm that anything he says suddenly seems to hold great importance. I'd be happy to have him represent Canada to the world.
Canadian national celebrities are so adorable.
Well, that's still true. Strombo is very precious to me.
However, my neverending supply of love has also been extended to Jian Ghomeshi, host of Qtv, writer, musician, etc.
He's so lovely and thoughtful and warm that anything he says suddenly seems to hold great importance. I'd be happy to have him represent Canada to the world.
Canadian national celebrities are so adorable.
Still.
So. Ill.
I want to puke everywhere. Anyone have suggestions for nausea cures? Pepto Bismol just isn't doing it for me anymore.
Also.. How are nausea and upset stomach different?
What about heartburn and indigestion?
The only unique symptom on that list is diarrhea, and I have an inkling that it's only in there because people wouldn't buy a drug strictly for when they are having poo issues as readily as they would a catch-all tummy drug.
Why not just call it that? "Catch-all Tummy Cure: For when your shit's fucked up. We don't want details, bro. Just deal with that. "
Perfect. I will be a millionaire by 20.
I want to puke everywhere. Anyone have suggestions for nausea cures? Pepto Bismol just isn't doing it for me anymore.
Also.. How are nausea and upset stomach different?
What about heartburn and indigestion?
The only unique symptom on that list is diarrhea, and I have an inkling that it's only in there because people wouldn't buy a drug strictly for when they are having poo issues as readily as they would a catch-all tummy drug.
Why not just call it that? "Catch-all Tummy Cure: For when your shit's fucked up. We don't want details, bro. Just deal with that. "
Perfect. I will be a millionaire by 20.
Can we just talk about how amazing Angelica Huston is?
Seriously, people, she is awesome.
I'm watching Ever After, in which Madame Angelica plays the most excellent bitch. Of all the imaginings and reimaginings of the Cinderella story, this one contains the most gut wrenchingly fabulous stepmother of them all.
ANGELICA FREAKING HUSTON.
I want to watch everythinng she's ever been in, hear every word she's ever spoken and bask in the glory of her raised eyebrows. If ever she were to look upon me with that deeply unimpressed expression, I would be incinerated with the pure intimidation.
I'm watching Ever After, in which Madame Angelica plays the most excellent bitch. Of all the imaginings and reimaginings of the Cinderella story, this one contains the most gut wrenchingly fabulous stepmother of them all.
ANGELICA FREAKING HUSTON.
I want to watch everythinng she's ever been in, hear every word she's ever spoken and bask in the glory of her raised eyebrows. If ever she were to look upon me with that deeply unimpressed expression, I would be incinerated with the pure intimidation.
 |
| You are Angelica Huston's bitch. Just accept it, as I have. |
The Badass Playlist: Put It In My Video
If you are a reader of this blog and/or my friend, you've seen Community. (What? You haven't?! Go fix that, immediately. This post will be here when you come back.)
Back? Good.
As I was saying, Community is great. We all know it. What you may not know, however, is the equal greatness of Donald Glover individually. Besides being the actor behind Troy, he also wrote for 30 Rock, and raps under the name Childish Gambino.
Today's song is one of his.
As you might be able to tell, this song is about putting girls in his video. I'm assuming that by "it", he means "your asses", but that's just me being incredibly perceptive.
You can get this whole album for free, actually, at: http://culdesac-album.com/. So you can do that if you like. Or you can just listen to this song on repeat for like 2 hours and consider how the "small girls minus s m" line reminds you of Bo Burnham, as I have.
=)
Back? Good.
As I was saying, Community is great. We all know it. What you may not know, however, is the equal greatness of Donald Glover individually. Besides being the actor behind Troy, he also wrote for 30 Rock, and raps under the name Childish Gambino.
Today's song is one of his.
As you might be able to tell, this song is about putting girls in his video. I'm assuming that by "it", he means "your asses", but that's just me being incredibly perceptive.
You can get this whole album for free, actually, at: http://culdesac-album.com/. So you can do that if you like. Or you can just listen to this song on repeat for like 2 hours and consider how the "small girls minus s m" line reminds you of Bo Burnham, as I have.
=)
My future husband and Co.
Now, I don't want the blog to deteriorate into me shelling out youtube videos every single post, but some things you just need to share with more than one person at a time.
Semi-witty statement to sum up the impression I'm trying to give with this post. Observation?
I have no title!
In case you thought for even one second that you are no longer important in my life, let me change your mind.
I give you a link to an article entitled: Every Picture of Ryan Gosling And His Dog On The Internet.
Mama loves you.
I give you a link to an article entitled: Every Picture of Ryan Gosling And His Dog On The Internet.
Mama loves you.
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