This year has been a strange one in several ways, though. What's this? SEVERAL ways, you say? As in.. more than one?!
Oh, hell naw. You can't mean...
Yes. Yes I do.
IT'S LIST TIME, BITCHES.
WEIRD/HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT 2011 SO FAR.
- Rain. For the love of all that is season-appropriate, WHY ALL THE RAIN? Funny story, I used to think I liked rain. "It's lovely," I thought! "The freshness, the greenery, the puddles, the rainbows!"
No. Someone, somewhere misled me something awful. This year's rain was nothing but a monochromatic vortex of worm-laden sidewalks and dead worms filling the gutters, punctuated with a bit more worm carcass here and there. Days on end passed with no visible sky at all and I started to feel like I was living inside an unpleasantly soggy wool sock. Rain is a butt, and Vancouver can have it. - COLD! Usually by May I would be boiling in my classrooms and dreaming of iced beverages. (Granted, i'm nearly always boiling, but you see my point.) Along with being annoyingly moist, this year has been cold as the proverbial breast belonging to a female purveyor of magic and potions.
- Monster mosquitoes. You'd think they'd drown, but no such luck. Only the peaceable and useful earthworm suffers that fate. (Rest in peace, my little friends.)
There are, however, nice things about this year's insane climate. We are therefore inclined to present:
KIND OF AWESOME STUFF ABOUT 2011 SO FAR.
- I have not been sickeningly warm even once! That must count for something.
- I've had the opportunity to become quite friendly with my local library staff.
- My old school stuff is stunningly well-organized.
- Sunburn-free since... last October, maybe? At this rate I will be young-looking and melanoma free FOREVAAAARRR!
- Skanks be covered up. It's been a nice year of everyone keeping their ass a mystery to me.
- My baking skills are quickly becoming the stuff of myth. Annalisius, weaver of golden pie-tops and singer of the magical bread-song = me. I coax impossible deliciousness from naught but humble flour. Millions of individual yeast bacteria know me to be their goddess, great and terrible.
Perhaps I should get out more.
